Questions to ask

Listening to John Denver's Leaving on a Jet Plane...I wonder what my life is going to be like. There are so many opportunities. I have so many incredible blessings. This reminds me of a poem I wrote about the questions that I face about my future. Who is going to hold me and never want to let me go? If I got on a jet plane, where would I want to go? I think I would hate to go. I have so much for me here.

I have been given so many opportunities
Will I take them? Or will I run and flee?
Staring at them face-to-face
Do I recognize all as God's grace?
Do I view them, as a little child--
Filled with wonder, so meek and mild?

Do I understand the heavenly source?
Or do I take them as a matter of course?
At the end of the day
Will I kneel down and pray?
Or will I take them all for granted
And say my own hand them it planted.

Do I see each gift of mine
As a way to help God's hand divine?
Do I touch another's life
In a way that God himself would strive?
Do I view a stranger's face
As a child of God, part of the human race?

Am I taking a big enough part
To ease the suffering of the human heart?
Are my works enough to please
The God of Heaven, Him I would appease?
Or do I need to do more?
Do I look at this as an undesirable chore?

Do I see another's need
As my call, my cry, my personal creed?
Do I think they have enough
When I have more than my share of stuff?
Am I willing to give away
My heart, my soul this very day?

Did I try in every way to ease another's day?
Did I help them feel the light, even just a ray?
Is the light that shines within me
Enough to warm another--even barely?
Does my intent speak out and charm
More than possible words that try to do harm?

How can I condition this selfish part of me?
How do I not listen when I'm prompted so clearly?
Why do I not clasp when someone's reaching out for help?
How can I just sit and ignore the painful yelp?
How am I writing here at the end of the day
Unsure if I have improved the world in anyway?


Wow, that poem took a while to write, but I'm glad I did!

You Can Say "Merry Christmas" in 8 Languages

You can say "Merry Christmas" in: English Spanish French Arabic German Greek Hawaiian Korean

How Many Languages Can You Say "Merry Christmas" In?

You Belong in 1957

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Confusion

I don't exactly understand RMs. I mean really, why would somebody want to get married when they're financially unstable, and have not even finished a chunk of college? It makes no sense. Well, ok, I do understand why someone would want to get married, I mean, I want to get married, but I'm not dumb enough to put everything else aside so that I can get married, that's just plain foolish. It's even more foolish to not date someone because they're not ready to get married. You don't even know if it's going to work with that person! Just give them a chance. Don't be a bonehead. What would make someone think that they could find someone better--someone who they got along with better that would marry them right off? Well, I guess in Utah it's possible, especially at the Y...even though I haven't seen a ton of evidence pointing to that possibility. I mean, I've barely been on any dates. Maybe I'm just not dateable or something. I don't know. It's ridiculous. But seriously guys, just give me a chance! I'm not terrible. I'm actually pretty cool. Blah, whatev. No one should be reading this anyway. I got a questionnaire thing that I have to fill out for the Study Abroad. I'm a little nervous, but I love Spanish. I am so excited to be immersed in it. You know what, I deserve better than him. I deserve someone that will support me and be excited for me and somebody that I can hold a continous conversation with, and someone that will, when he's around me, just pay attention to me. With exceptions. I mean, if he's working or trying to do something, I understand, but when I talk, I expect immediate feedback...haha I'm so high maintenance...but not really. If I know I'm his and he's mine, that I'm actually medium on the maintenance scale. I learned that from Steve..not that I was, but that I could be and should be. That was probably one of the greatest things I learned about that relationship--how to give him space. However, I'm typically super impatient, which means that I will call the guy and ask him on a date, or whatever. I realized last night that I initiated everything with Steve, and that I was initiating everything with Andy, too. bummer. Maybe I'll find a guy that will initiate things with me. haha, I should! Anyway, I gotta go...hasta luego!

Fall Leaves

The other night I was just chillin' outside writing in my journal and I decided to write another poem.

I watch in wonder as the leaves fall down all around me--
The trees have changed--no leaf remains the same.
If I were a leaf what color would I be?
Would I be green and young, or brown and old?
Would I be a beautiful magenta, or a shade of gold?
The leaves keep falling--spiralling down.
The colors create a rainbow on the ground.
Why should I be a leaf? Why not be a tree?
Why should I drop, why should I fall, why shouldn't I remain the same?
I could stand like a tree--forever strong and true,
Constant and firm, always in Heavens view.
But if I were a tree, what would be my leaf?
What do I drop? What do I let fall?
What about me changes, becomes beautiful, then dies?
Perhaps they don't fall because they're dead.
Perhaps they fall because it's their time, nothing more.
Perhaps they sacrifice for the tree to make room for new leaves.
Year after year, new leaves grow. They stay with the tree, then go.
Does the tree miss them, those leaves of yesteryear?
I think so. But the tree is wise. He knows the reason.
He doesn't go against nature, but continues the flow.
So year after year this cycle repeats.
Why be a leaf? Why be a tree? I think I am both.

Bowl of Oranges

My favorite song is Bowl of Oranges, by Bright Eyes, because it tells me that I just need to be positive. And I just need to be positive.

The College Life

Wow. I've been so busy lately, but I suppose that's only because I've wanted to be busy, because I didn't want to be busy today, and consequently I haven't been busy today. Well, I started school last week. I've had a bunch of homework. I haven't done a considerable amount of the reading for each of the classes, but I feel confident that I'm staying mainly caught up. I bet my laundry is done. I should check on it. Oh well, I can do that later. I feel so tired. We stayed up way late last night. Yesterday was so incredibly busy; we had regional conference, a fireside, supposed to have a bishop's interview, hall meeting, and then tunnel singing. Tunnel singing was fun. Man, I feel kinda mixed up about boys right now. It may be because I'm tired and it's my time of the month--that can have a huge impact on feelings. I don't know what we're doing for family home evening. I don't know if anyone knows. Oh well. Yeah, back to the boys, though...I think I kinda like a guy, but I don't want to like him. Mary has a picture with flowers on it and it says stuff like "Love as though you have never been hurt before." I think I'm having a very difficult time doing that, because I, of course, have been hurt way too many times before. I mean, it's good experience-wise, but...it kinda puts a damper on wanting to like someone. I just feel like any relationship I have with a boy right now will just lead to pain. Emotional pain is the worse. I would prefer physical pain over emotional pain any day. I've had the emotional pain that you can't help but completely sob over, trying to get the pain out, but nothing else--and then you feel like you're suffocating both on the inside and on the outside. It hurts. At those moments I would rather have had my leg cut off then go through that. I suppose I understand why emo kids cut, but...it's still stupid. Anyway, ballet started today. I'm pretty stoked for it! I learned plies and skipping and a kick, oh yes, and eleves, releves, and saltes. Yay!!! Cute romantic songs keep coming on the radio, which I love, but then they make me want to fall in love, but than i feel like the guy that I fall for won't fall for me back. That's what typically happens. Oh well. Man, I haven't even done my homework yet. haha and I need to clean my room, too!!! It's incredibly messy!!! I should figure out what my roomies are doing. I don't want them to leave to FHE without me.

The Valley

The river flows through, fresh and young,
And for the great trees takes care,
With their leaves freshly hung.
The scene is so serene, calmness and serenity everywhere
The valley is home to peace--indeed it is it's lair.

Yet with one stroke of terrible luck
Man's face is brought to view.
He unloads his great big diesel truck
And the peacefulness he begins to skew,
Then every natural color turns a strange, new hue.

He chops down trees and tramples the grass
On the river he builds a dam.
He gives the serenity so much sass
That it retreats, as timid as a lamb.
The river itself begins to cram.

The birds shriek out in great distress
As they witness the dreadful sight.
The bile and tears they try to suppress
With their eyes open wide in fright.
Then they are shot in their frenetic midflight.

That valley no longer possesses peace.
It was all taken by one man.
The serenity bears a massive crease
More unfoldable than a fan.
All because of one man.

Moving and life

Well, I've been doing a lot of moving lately. I helped the Batty's move out last week. I am going to miss them dearly; they are such amazing people. This week I helped my family move. I left my stuff over at the old house, which has caused a lot of chaos. I move to Heritage on Wednesday--in 3 days. I plan on finishing packing tomorrow, which will leave Tuesday open for me to go shopping, or whatever I need to do. Then I'll be gone. I had a job interview with building security at BYU today. I don't think it went very well, and I don't believe I got the job, but all I can do is wait to find out. I hope I did. I'm so stressed right now. It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if my parents hadn't moved the week before I was going to. Shoot. I still need to finish Learning in the Light of Faith, as well. Sometimes it feels like life is overwhelmingly stressful. I wonder what heaven is like. Do we face stresses? I bet we do. I suppose we'll never get away from them. I feel like I've wasted my life thus far. I haven't accomplished anything major. I feel so old, yet I am so young. I look at the people my age who have started their own business, or already have at least their associates degree, and I wonder what I have done. Have I contributed to the world? I know that I have been a decent friend to many people, but sometimes it just feels like that is not enough. Sometimes I want to have my own special moment. Oh, that reminds me of a poem I wrote for creative writing last year:

A Moment In Time


The crowds are bustling
In the halls today.
I wish I could be one of them,
Smiling on my way.
I try for a moment
Open my mouth,
Show some teeth,
But nobody notices.
I want to cry and weep.
I’ll just try saying “Hi!”
I think to myself.
I say “Hi” to a few
Nobody notices

I must be invisible.
I shrink from the crowd,
Duck into my class.
Science!
Somewhere I can excel at last!
I give myself a pep talk;
Tell myself I am smart,
But in come the
Jocks, nerds, preps,
Everyone I’m not.

I open my mouth,
But I’m too afraid.
After all, the end to pleasure
Is only pain.
The teacher asks a question.
I could’ve gotten it right
If only he hadn’t called
On Lucy Skidmore instead.
I tell myself “next time”
But I never got called.
I leave from that class
Feeling worse than before.

Why must I be here?
I ask, I implore.
I only want to fit in.
Have that moment in time
When anyone notices
That I’m truly sublime.

Sometimes it would be nice to really be noticed. I mean, I'm completely average. I'm not the best student, yet I'm not the worst. I'm not the best looking. I have no distinguishing characteristics. I hate interviews. I feel like they always bring that out about me. I know that Rachel thinks I'm amazing, and so does Will. Yet sometimes it doesn't help to know that you're close friends think you're amazing. Sometimes you want the most distant people from you to think you're amazing. Well, I know this is pretty self-pitying. "Sometimes when I'm feeling bad, I just don't want to feel better!!" ugh. Anyway, I do want to feel better, so I will be more positive...I think. Man, there's an annoying fly that keeps pestering me!!

Heart-wrenching drama

So, basically, I think I made a big mistake of falling for a friend. Unfortunately, it was towards the beginning of the friendship, and I knew that he was quite unavailable. I knew he wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't try to force one or anything. However, it's pretty easy to tell when I like someone. Well, he let me know that he didn't want a relationship, because he was in love with someone else. I understood that. I had always been torn between my feelings for him, because I really did have a crush on him, but I didn't want to, because our friendship was more important to me. Therefore, I decided that I really did not want to give that frienship up, no matter what happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't always go as planned. I would try to text him to find out when he could/wanted to hang out, and he would respond with something like "idk". I knew something was up, and it really hurt, because I knew that we were losing our friendship, which was all that really ever mattered to me. Because of that, I sent him a message saying that I was tired of being the one to initialize texts and hang outs, and that it was now up to him. I said it pretty dramatically, but that's because I was tired and hurt, and just felt like crying. He texted me later in the day saying that he had been ignoring me, because he was afraid of hurting me. Little did he realize that by protecting me, he was doing worse. I felt pretty glad that I hadn't been blowing the whole thing out of proportion, because quite frankly, I can be quite an attention-craving-drama-queen! It felt so good to be talking to him, like old times! Once again I thought we were cool. After a few days, I decided to call him to see when he could hang out before he left. He sounded pretty hesitant, but finally replied Tuesday. I then tried talking to him for a while, but he was really distracted-sounding, and I kinda felt like he really didn't feel like talking. A few hours later, though, he texted me asking me "what if I had a girlfriend?" I was kinda stunned by that, but told him that I would be happy for him, and that he should invite her to our next hang out. I mainly was happy for him. I mean, you know, he kinda lied to me about being completely smitten with someone else still, and that pretty much told me that I'm not good enough...another good ol' blow to my self-esteem. Then he said that he did, but he didn't, and that it was complicated. dude. How complicated could it be?! He then said that I could call her if I wanted, and gave me her phone number!!! Ok, seriously, why would I want to call her?!! I don't even know her!!! That's when I started getting a bit mad...it's also when I remembered that I told my cousin Dave that I would play ultimate frisbee with him and his friends on Tuesday night. I think I handled that blow pretty well, though. That is, until the next day, when I had heard enough from my friend telling me to just tell him to stop flattering himself by thinking that I like him. So I sent him a text saying: "stop flattering yourself! I don't even like you like that!" It was pretty thrilling, I must admit!!! However, I felt so super bad. He replied with a "what?". I told him that it seemed like he thought I liked him, but i didn't. He then replied with a "whatever". Goodness, I wish I knew the tone of that. After I got that, I realized that our friendship was probably over. Who would want to be friends with me? Golly, I can be such a jerk. My friend told me that he had done worse things to me, but still...that's no way to act. Just because he made me cry for a week, whenever I thought about it...you know, it's not important. I really should stop putting myself ahead of others. I'm so self-centered sometimes. Man, I'm good until I start thinking about it. Then I just sigh a sometimes not-so-silent-sigh. It just sucks that I ruined that friendship, but it was fun while it lasted. I don't think there's anyway that I can make up for it. I mean, he would probably be completely awkward if we hung out again. I would be ok, but I don't think he would. He probably doesn't even care. Why should he, though? I mean, what kind of friend was I being? A jerkish one.

New Bike!

I got a bike today! It was pretty exhilarating, except on the ride home I remembered how terrified I really am of riding a bike! I don't know why, but I'm not a very good bike rider, and perhaps that's why I'm afraid of riding bikes! It probably stems from me riding a bike years ago and not being able to turn corners, but instead falling over, in front of cars! My back brake isn't too good, so I think I'll see if someone can help me fix that. I obviously have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to bikes. I wonder if Andy would be able to tighten it. My guess is that it's loose, but as I have no knowledge of anything mechanical, someone else will have to look at it. Anyway, I'm thinking about riding it over to Rach's house, but I suck at riding bikes! It's pretty much all straight, though, so I don't have to worry about turning. However, there is a big hill, which means that I have to press my brakes, which suck, and then ride back up it, of course, I could just walk my bike up. I wonder how long it would take. I guess the only way to find out is to try it! Hmmm...so Andy is going up to Idaho this weekend! I kinda miss him. I don't want to, but I do. I still wonder why I like him. I don't know. He's genuinely a good guy, though. Even if he goes bunny bashing. Which I think is completely disgusting and terrible, on principle. Gee, I don't know. Alex is working swing shifts, so I never get to talk to him, either! It's ridiculous! Shoot. He's a good friend. Oh man, I can't wait to hang out with Rach! She's so cool! Ugh, I want some ice cream or cookie dough...something!!! Hotdogs just don't fill voids! The trek is next week, which means that I really need to start looking for long sleeve shirts and whatever else I need for it. I'm kind of impartial to going, right now. I know I'll have a ton of fun when I go, but right now, I'm really not that excited. Blah. Blahness. Oh well. I think I'll leave at 5 to go to Rach's house. hee hee...she'll be surprised! I could just spend the night at her house. My family went camping, otherwise I'd probably just get a ride or not worry about going. I work at 11:30 tomorrow, so I would have time to ride back and shower and everything. That would be fun. Rach and I could talk for hours. Dooo doo dooo dooo doo...I'm done.

Masks

As I paint this mask
I contemplate.
Of my work I am proud;
Of the symbol, I ain’t.

Helping others to hide
Behind ceramic and paint--
Losing their souls
Without a complaint.

Blending in with each other,
Indeed is their goal;
Individuality they fear,
Is as black as coal.

They try to dig themselves out,
But dig down too deep,
For the hole that they dig
Buries them ‘till they sleep.

And they cannot awaken
From this dreadful slumber
Because they all fell asleep
Together, in one number.


For some reason, as I began to type, the words of The Danger of Masks came to my mind. I wrote this poem during the first semester of my senior year. I really do like it, though. My cousin Mary bought me the game "True Colors" for either Christmas or my birthday, I don't really remember which one it was, when I was 16. She wanted me to remember to act the way that I really am inside. She wanted me to be myself and not wear a mask. That was probably some of the best advice that I've had. I've often reflected on her wisdom. However, it can be difficult to be true to oneself. There is constant pressure to join in with others, or act a different way to please someone. However, I know that if I can't be myself around someone, then they aren't the type of person that I should hang around. One of the more difficult things about this is that I'm pretty versatile. However, I suppose I'm not versatile enough to completely change myself to adapt myself to others' standards. "Naught can endure but mutability"--Percy Byshe Shelly.

Sushi and Stuff

So, I just went out to have Sushi with Rachel, Mike, Bonnie, Shawn, and Lisa (I think that's her name, it could have been Liz, or something completely different), and Adam. It was interesting. I really like the roll, just not so much the texture of the fish. I also discovered that I really don't like very fishy tastes. However, there are some types of sushi that I do like. After sushi, we decided to go see 21 in the dollar theatre. It was pretty good, I actually really liked it, except it had some of the generic strip club scenes. I put my head on Rachel's shoulder, so she put her head on Mike's shoulder. Eventually I lifted up, but she kept her head on his. They were so cute!!! During dinner, Rachel told me about her date with Tyson, and she was super excited about it. And of course she's still way into CJ. I think she should just ditch them and go with Mike, though. They're a good pair. Although she would make a good match with CJ, too. Mike really likes her. It's adorable. I had no idea until the car ride home! They wanted me to tell them if Rachel likes Mike, and I really didn't know what to say. I mean, she loves him completely, as a friend, but aside from that, I really don't know. I should discreetly ask her some time. Man, I need to find my own man!!! Rachel has plenty of options...I probably do too. I guess I am picky. Well, I don't know that I'm actually picky, as much as I just want the guy to make the first move, but not too fast!!! Like with Craig, he made the first move, but way too fast! It's good to be friends though. Some people are just way cool, and I really do really want to be their friend, but of course, if they liked me more, than I would like to be something more than a friend. At least I think I would. I definitely want to cuddle. However, my experience with Steve...well, I just don't know what I want now. I don't think I want anything too serious, and I'm afraid of getting into a relationship now, because with Steve I gave up everything. I don't want to miss any more experiences because I have a boyfriend. I have done that enough. I mean, I missed pretty much all of my junior year, and the majority of my senior year, because I devoted all my care and attention to him. He didn't even recognize that. Oh well, that's in the past. I guess I just don't want to miss anything, but by having that attitude, I'm likely to miss something big. Maybe that's what is best, though. I meet so many boys that really don't live up to my personal standards, but I really just want to be with them anyway. It's like Josh said about how people meet someone who appears to have the qualities that they want in a partner, and they try to press a relationship on them because of that. I believe that I often try to do that. It can be hard for me, because I tend to see the best side of people. I realize what they can be, if they try, or want to. However, people often don't try to live up to their potential. Es terrible. Me gustan unos chicos pero no los conozco muy bien. Es interesante.

Drama

It seems the only drama that I have in my life is self-imposed. I alone feel the drama coming in, and therefore, I alone can stop it. However, it unfortunately does not affect only me. It affects my relationships with other people. Currently, I feel that I have an inferiority complex surrounding my best friend. I wish I didn't feel this way. It's so easy for me to say that emotions are all mental and that if you want to feel a certain way, than you can feel it. Acting upon that belief, however, is completely different. I am generally an easy going person. I have often been described as being "chill". Oh shoot. If only the people who say that about me only knew...I have an obsessive personality. And I am very prone to jealousy. When I find something new that interests me, I try to find out as much about it as possible. Unfortunately, what really interests me is usually people. You may know when I find you interesting if you can tell me some strange little detail about yourself, and I will remember it a week later. Or if I try to text you to hang out a lot. I'm not saying that this is necessarily bad. I'm a great listener though, and I will generally remember everything you say about yourself. However, I don't know how I got started on this topic. I guess I am the type of person, where if something is bothering me, instead of just venting on the spot, I will start with a random topic, like socks, and then work my way into telling you what is truly bothering me. It's just so difficult to let it all out without first getting comfortable. It's like a bean bag chair. You can just plop down in one and it can be comfortable, but it's best to move around in it a bit until it contours to your curves. So, basically I feel like people don't like me that much. I mean, I have proof that they do like me, but sometimes it seems like they like other people a lot better than they like me. It's only natural though. I have some people that I greatly prefer over other people. I just never wanted to be one of the people that someone would ditch to hang out with somebody else. Somebody cooler. I know I'm just being retarded and it's probably because I'm super sleep deprived. Yet it hurts. To make matters worse, I'm ignoring purposefully the people that I truly do care about, because I just want to lounge around in my own bed of self pity. They have nothing to do with the way that I'm feeling. Only I do. Certainly something sparked it, and I know exactly what, but I don't know that I want to share. It just involves someone that I kind of have a crush on, but not entirely. I don't know. I'm falling asleep as I write this. It feels good to get this out. I will call both of them tomorrow. I am way too tired to talk now, and I'm afraid that I would say something quite rude, because I get cranky when I am tired and I can tell you right now, that I am very cranky already. Blah, it's a good thing this is the only drama that I have, because it's clearing up right now, which is amazing. Now I just feel bad for ignoring my friends. They deserve better friendship from me. However, it may have been the best thing to do, since I very easily could have, and probably would have, said something to offend/hurt them. And they are phenomenal people.

Nearly Perfect

As the lyrics to a Mark Wills song go, "But everybody knows, almost doesn't count.", I have discovered that almost doesn't count and that, at least when it comes to boys, there is no perfect. Perhaps I merely haven't met my "Mr. Perfect" yet, but as it is going, I am beginning to doubt that I will ever meet him. I have met a couple fellows who are nearly perfect; however, they possess flaws that make them seemingly unsuitable for me to be able to date them. I certainly want to, but one cannot go on a date by oneself. As the famous colloquial saying goes, "It takes two to tango." I wonder if that overly used expression is indeed overly used, and I certainly wonder if it is understood to its full depth. Throughout my life I have heard people comparing love to a dance. I believe the tango is the perfect dance to relate to love. Both love and the tango are filled with so much passion and movement. The tango can be graceful, but I'm certain it is easy to slip and fall and twist an ankle while learning the dance. Even the best dancers get injured. Love is the same way. Searching for that special someone, learning to date and interact with the opposite sex, can certainly be a dangerous phenomenon. Just as a dancer may fall and crush an ankle, a lover easily may fall and crush a heart. I would prefer the ankle. So why then do the dancers risk all to learn to tango? Why do the lovers risk all to love? The answer lays within the beauty of the dance--the excitement, the passion. Once love is found, the lover finds peace. The cares of the world melt away; the sunshine is found within the very soul. A bright beam of light illuminates the eyes until darkness cannot be seen. However, sometimes dark clouds overshadow that inner sun. In those moments, the love can be lost. When a professional dancer is injured, the dancer possesses the ability to recover--to stand again and dance--or to stay down and let the injury override the spirit. Just as most dancers get up as quickly as possible to move to the rhythm, most lovers choose to try again. Despite the pain they have felt, they consciously choose to dance again--to love again. The final destination far outweighs the pain of the path. Therefore, I choose to get up again and try over. Not necessarily over, for the scares that have been inflicted upon me build me up. I am now stronger, more experienced. I know a little bit more of what love is, and quite a bit more about what love is not. "It is better to have loved and lost/Then never to have loved at all." Most of us have heard that profound poetry. We have all wondered about its accuracy. Is the pain really worth the treasure? Sometimes I wonder, but even when I am pondering that question, I find myself thinking of another fellow, or out on a date. Natural human instinct seems to indicate that yes, indeed, the pain is worth the treasure called love. Though at times it feels like I am drowning in an endless gulf of misery, attempting to find my "Mr. Right", I feel that when I finally meet him and recognize him for what he is, I will absolutely know that it was worth the price. I'm certain he will not be perfect. He will have many flaws, but I possess many flaws as well. The important thing is that we'll be perfect in each other's eyes--at least for a strong majority of the time.

Boring randomness

I work so super soon! Last night I went to Temple Square with the young women, and we took a tour of the Conference Center. It was pretty intriguing. I was amazed with the knowledge that the dear, sweet sister possessed. She knew so many strange, minute facts that I would never have even thought of asking. While there, I met up with one of my best friends, Rachel Fuchs, whom I haven't seen since Valentines Day!!! It was so exciting! I love that girl!!! After I got back, Craig, Tosha, Rachel, little Rachel, Mike, and I went to the dollar theatre and saw Nim's Island. It was so cheezy!!! I was in the mood for that type of cheezy though. I laughed soooo much, a lot of it because Craig was being ridiculous! Haha, what a character. The movie got over at around midnight, and I took Rachel home. I stayed over there until about 2, then I came home and finally got to bed at around 2:45, which wasn't too good, because I had to wake up at 6:45 this morning to go play tennis. Andy responded to my text at around 6:15, I think. I woke up and I was so tired that I couldn't figure out what the poo that noise was. Then I finally figured it out. We're going to play tennis in the morning tomorrow, which is going to be fun I hope. I wanted to play after work, but I guess he's going to be busy at night. Blah. Oh well. I have to go to work in five minutes. Five minutes isn't a very long amount of time. I hope work's fun today. I guess I just have to make it fun. Fun is such a mental state. You could have fun doing anything, as long as you set your mind to it. Speaking of time or fun or something, I don't remember, but I'll get back to you later. Oh yeah, and my next post will pretty much be awesome, because these ones have been lame...dude, Rachel's pool is open now. YaY!!!

Wow!!! I just created a blog!!!

As you can see from my title, I just created a blog! Now I kind of don't know what to do! Basically, today has been interesting. I woke up with a terrible stomach ache, so I didn't go running with Sister Batty today. I have REALLY got to start calling her Katie! I texted her to tell her that I wasn't going to be going. Wow, that sounded mildly redundant. Anywho, so I ended up sleeping in super late, which was probably good, since my stomach ache had gone away by the time I actually woke up. Oh yeah!!! I watched "Walker Texas Ranger" today!!! It was phenomenal. I was almost late to work because I got so caught up in it that I neglected to take my shower as early as I should have. I went to work, which was decent today. We were busy, and I was on the grocery side, so the time passed by quickly; besides, I only had to work four hours and fifteen minutes. I walked home after work. Institute was tonight! For some reason, we have a new teacher, but he's decent, so I don't mind too terribly much, though for now I do prefer the old teacher. I wanted to play tennis today, but I didn't get around to it. I ended up going for a short run with Kyle. We talked for a while, then I got home at around 11:30. I tried calling Alex, but he was a poo brain and didn't answer his phone!!! What a turkey. I talked to David, and we decided that sometime we're going to go bowling, I guess on a double date, which means that I need to find a date. I'll ask Rachel to go with him. I have some freakin' cool cousins, let me tell you! Anyway...I'm super excited for playing tennis with Andy on Friday! I hope that we actually get together and play! I love tennis and Andy is pretty much amazing! I hope he thinks that I am, too. Me gusta espanol. A veces escribo en espanol para que mis amigos no entiendan que estoy escribiendo. Pero tengo unos amigos que pueden entender espanol tambien. I don't know. I wonder what my life is going to be like. If I had the opportunity to see the layout of my future, though, I really wouldn't take it. I mean, "my life is better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance". I love that song. I remember one time when I was 14, it played at a stake dance, Washington had the best stake dances, and I was like "oh, I have to go find my future husband, because I want this to be our song!" So I found a boy to dance with, and he was cute, but I guess it just didn't work out, because I never saw him again. I don't remember his name either. How funny is that. You just never know what to expect in life, and if you do know what to expect, then there is something seriously wrong, because as Percy Shelly so wonderfully puts it, "Naught can endure, but mutability." Mr. Nagro was such a wonderful English teacher. So pretty much I have a crush on a boy, but it's interesting, because I'm ok with just being friends. I mean, normally I would be like, "Oh, I hope he likes me and asks me out..."etc, but you know, I'm content. As long as he likes me as even just a friend, I'm good. I think he's amazing though. He's phenomenal. At least from what I've seen of him, which probably isn't very much. I'm kind of having mixed feelings about boys right now though. In a way I just want to say that I want to drop them; that they suck, but then again, I also don't. I mean, boys aren't dumb all of the time. Most of them aren't anyway. I have a comple of friends that are boys that I know aren't dumb. Well, at least I know that Alex is a true friend for sure. Golly, I hope that Andy is too. Josh is definitely a true friend, and I should probably talk to him more. We'll see how Kyle turns out. He kind of bores me some times, and he really isn't that funny, to be blatantly honest. but I know that I'm not very funny either, so I really shouldn't be talking. I just like it when I can actually honestly laugh at jokes and really want to pay attention to people. I want to do something tomorrow!!! I really don't want to go up to Temple Square with the young women though. Amber is going to be working, so Kirsten is coming with Jessica and let's be real, they're quite obnoxiously annoying! It's just the age that they're at though, I was quite obnoxious at that age, as well. They Batty's are going though, so that should be fun! I really enjoy their company. I just wish that we had people my age. Our branch is so small. In some ways it's probably good, I know that it has blessed many lives, but so many people struggle because of it. They really shouldn't though. I mean, just because we have fewer numbers doesn't mean the gospel isn't true. I love the gospel. I am so thankful to be raised in it! I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without the gospel! It has changed my life and made me who I am, and generally, I believe that I am a decent human. I just wish that everyone knew about the church and wanted to be a part of it. Golly, Alex would be an amazing church member. I hope someday he is taught the gospel and can receive it. It would change his life completely and he would be so much happier. And Rachel, too! I really respect Rachel. She has great key values. At first I didn't like her, because I thought that she went against everything I believed in (not my fault, and not just because she isn't LDS, she just tried to be controversial), but than we became friends and I found out how high her standards really are! She was just being a butt earlier! Anyway, it's pretty late now, but I'm super excited to have my own blog! It's pretty much amazing! It's just like a little online journal! I hope nobody reads it and gets embarrassed, but let's be real, most people are not going to read it, because most people really don't care enough to. And if they do read it, either they are a great friend, or they like me and care about how I'm feeling and what I think! Sounds good to me!