Heart-wrenching drama

So, basically, I think I made a big mistake of falling for a friend. Unfortunately, it was towards the beginning of the friendship, and I knew that he was quite unavailable. I knew he wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't try to force one or anything. However, it's pretty easy to tell when I like someone. Well, he let me know that he didn't want a relationship, because he was in love with someone else. I understood that. I had always been torn between my feelings for him, because I really did have a crush on him, but I didn't want to, because our friendship was more important to me. Therefore, I decided that I really did not want to give that frienship up, no matter what happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't always go as planned. I would try to text him to find out when he could/wanted to hang out, and he would respond with something like "idk". I knew something was up, and it really hurt, because I knew that we were losing our friendship, which was all that really ever mattered to me. Because of that, I sent him a message saying that I was tired of being the one to initialize texts and hang outs, and that it was now up to him. I said it pretty dramatically, but that's because I was tired and hurt, and just felt like crying. He texted me later in the day saying that he had been ignoring me, because he was afraid of hurting me. Little did he realize that by protecting me, he was doing worse. I felt pretty glad that I hadn't been blowing the whole thing out of proportion, because quite frankly, I can be quite an attention-craving-drama-queen! It felt so good to be talking to him, like old times! Once again I thought we were cool. After a few days, I decided to call him to see when he could hang out before he left. He sounded pretty hesitant, but finally replied Tuesday. I then tried talking to him for a while, but he was really distracted-sounding, and I kinda felt like he really didn't feel like talking. A few hours later, though, he texted me asking me "what if I had a girlfriend?" I was kinda stunned by that, but told him that I would be happy for him, and that he should invite her to our next hang out. I mainly was happy for him. I mean, you know, he kinda lied to me about being completely smitten with someone else still, and that pretty much told me that I'm not good enough...another good ol' blow to my self-esteem. Then he said that he did, but he didn't, and that it was complicated. dude. How complicated could it be?! He then said that I could call her if I wanted, and gave me her phone number!!! Ok, seriously, why would I want to call her?!! I don't even know her!!! That's when I started getting a bit mad...it's also when I remembered that I told my cousin Dave that I would play ultimate frisbee with him and his friends on Tuesday night. I think I handled that blow pretty well, though. That is, until the next day, when I had heard enough from my friend telling me to just tell him to stop flattering himself by thinking that I like him. So I sent him a text saying: "stop flattering yourself! I don't even like you like that!" It was pretty thrilling, I must admit!!! However, I felt so super bad. He replied with a "what?". I told him that it seemed like he thought I liked him, but i didn't. He then replied with a "whatever". Goodness, I wish I knew the tone of that. After I got that, I realized that our friendship was probably over. Who would want to be friends with me? Golly, I can be such a jerk. My friend told me that he had done worse things to me, but still...that's no way to act. Just because he made me cry for a week, whenever I thought about it...you know, it's not important. I really should stop putting myself ahead of others. I'm so self-centered sometimes. Man, I'm good until I start thinking about it. Then I just sigh a sometimes not-so-silent-sigh. It just sucks that I ruined that friendship, but it was fun while it lasted. I don't think there's anyway that I can make up for it. I mean, he would probably be completely awkward if we hung out again. I would be ok, but I don't think he would. He probably doesn't even care. Why should he, though? I mean, what kind of friend was I being? A jerkish one.