Sushi and Stuff

So, I just went out to have Sushi with Rachel, Mike, Bonnie, Shawn, and Lisa (I think that's her name, it could have been Liz, or something completely different), and Adam. It was interesting. I really like the roll, just not so much the texture of the fish. I also discovered that I really don't like very fishy tastes. However, there are some types of sushi that I do like. After sushi, we decided to go see 21 in the dollar theatre. It was pretty good, I actually really liked it, except it had some of the generic strip club scenes. I put my head on Rachel's shoulder, so she put her head on Mike's shoulder. Eventually I lifted up, but she kept her head on his. They were so cute!!! During dinner, Rachel told me about her date with Tyson, and she was super excited about it. And of course she's still way into CJ. I think she should just ditch them and go with Mike, though. They're a good pair. Although she would make a good match with CJ, too. Mike really likes her. It's adorable. I had no idea until the car ride home! They wanted me to tell them if Rachel likes Mike, and I really didn't know what to say. I mean, she loves him completely, as a friend, but aside from that, I really don't know. I should discreetly ask her some time. Man, I need to find my own man!!! Rachel has plenty of options...I probably do too. I guess I am picky. Well, I don't know that I'm actually picky, as much as I just want the guy to make the first move, but not too fast!!! Like with Craig, he made the first move, but way too fast! It's good to be friends though. Some people are just way cool, and I really do really want to be their friend, but of course, if they liked me more, than I would like to be something more than a friend. At least I think I would. I definitely want to cuddle. However, my experience with Steve...well, I just don't know what I want now. I don't think I want anything too serious, and I'm afraid of getting into a relationship now, because with Steve I gave up everything. I don't want to miss any more experiences because I have a boyfriend. I have done that enough. I mean, I missed pretty much all of my junior year, and the majority of my senior year, because I devoted all my care and attention to him. He didn't even recognize that. Oh well, that's in the past. I guess I just don't want to miss anything, but by having that attitude, I'm likely to miss something big. Maybe that's what is best, though. I meet so many boys that really don't live up to my personal standards, but I really just want to be with them anyway. It's like Josh said about how people meet someone who appears to have the qualities that they want in a partner, and they try to press a relationship on them because of that. I believe that I often try to do that. It can be hard for me, because I tend to see the best side of people. I realize what they can be, if they try, or want to. However, people often don't try to live up to their potential. Es terrible. Me gustan unos chicos pero no los conozco muy bien. Es interesante.

Drama

It seems the only drama that I have in my life is self-imposed. I alone feel the drama coming in, and therefore, I alone can stop it. However, it unfortunately does not affect only me. It affects my relationships with other people. Currently, I feel that I have an inferiority complex surrounding my best friend. I wish I didn't feel this way. It's so easy for me to say that emotions are all mental and that if you want to feel a certain way, than you can feel it. Acting upon that belief, however, is completely different. I am generally an easy going person. I have often been described as being "chill". Oh shoot. If only the people who say that about me only knew...I have an obsessive personality. And I am very prone to jealousy. When I find something new that interests me, I try to find out as much about it as possible. Unfortunately, what really interests me is usually people. You may know when I find you interesting if you can tell me some strange little detail about yourself, and I will remember it a week later. Or if I try to text you to hang out a lot. I'm not saying that this is necessarily bad. I'm a great listener though, and I will generally remember everything you say about yourself. However, I don't know how I got started on this topic. I guess I am the type of person, where if something is bothering me, instead of just venting on the spot, I will start with a random topic, like socks, and then work my way into telling you what is truly bothering me. It's just so difficult to let it all out without first getting comfortable. It's like a bean bag chair. You can just plop down in one and it can be comfortable, but it's best to move around in it a bit until it contours to your curves. So, basically I feel like people don't like me that much. I mean, I have proof that they do like me, but sometimes it seems like they like other people a lot better than they like me. It's only natural though. I have some people that I greatly prefer over other people. I just never wanted to be one of the people that someone would ditch to hang out with somebody else. Somebody cooler. I know I'm just being retarded and it's probably because I'm super sleep deprived. Yet it hurts. To make matters worse, I'm ignoring purposefully the people that I truly do care about, because I just want to lounge around in my own bed of self pity. They have nothing to do with the way that I'm feeling. Only I do. Certainly something sparked it, and I know exactly what, but I don't know that I want to share. It just involves someone that I kind of have a crush on, but not entirely. I don't know. I'm falling asleep as I write this. It feels good to get this out. I will call both of them tomorrow. I am way too tired to talk now, and I'm afraid that I would say something quite rude, because I get cranky when I am tired and I can tell you right now, that I am very cranky already. Blah, it's a good thing this is the only drama that I have, because it's clearing up right now, which is amazing. Now I just feel bad for ignoring my friends. They deserve better friendship from me. However, it may have been the best thing to do, since I very easily could have, and probably would have, said something to offend/hurt them. And they are phenomenal people.

Nearly Perfect

As the lyrics to a Mark Wills song go, "But everybody knows, almost doesn't count.", I have discovered that almost doesn't count and that, at least when it comes to boys, there is no perfect. Perhaps I merely haven't met my "Mr. Perfect" yet, but as it is going, I am beginning to doubt that I will ever meet him. I have met a couple fellows who are nearly perfect; however, they possess flaws that make them seemingly unsuitable for me to be able to date them. I certainly want to, but one cannot go on a date by oneself. As the famous colloquial saying goes, "It takes two to tango." I wonder if that overly used expression is indeed overly used, and I certainly wonder if it is understood to its full depth. Throughout my life I have heard people comparing love to a dance. I believe the tango is the perfect dance to relate to love. Both love and the tango are filled with so much passion and movement. The tango can be graceful, but I'm certain it is easy to slip and fall and twist an ankle while learning the dance. Even the best dancers get injured. Love is the same way. Searching for that special someone, learning to date and interact with the opposite sex, can certainly be a dangerous phenomenon. Just as a dancer may fall and crush an ankle, a lover easily may fall and crush a heart. I would prefer the ankle. So why then do the dancers risk all to learn to tango? Why do the lovers risk all to love? The answer lays within the beauty of the dance--the excitement, the passion. Once love is found, the lover finds peace. The cares of the world melt away; the sunshine is found within the very soul. A bright beam of light illuminates the eyes until darkness cannot be seen. However, sometimes dark clouds overshadow that inner sun. In those moments, the love can be lost. When a professional dancer is injured, the dancer possesses the ability to recover--to stand again and dance--or to stay down and let the injury override the spirit. Just as most dancers get up as quickly as possible to move to the rhythm, most lovers choose to try again. Despite the pain they have felt, they consciously choose to dance again--to love again. The final destination far outweighs the pain of the path. Therefore, I choose to get up again and try over. Not necessarily over, for the scares that have been inflicted upon me build me up. I am now stronger, more experienced. I know a little bit more of what love is, and quite a bit more about what love is not. "It is better to have loved and lost/Then never to have loved at all." Most of us have heard that profound poetry. We have all wondered about its accuracy. Is the pain really worth the treasure? Sometimes I wonder, but even when I am pondering that question, I find myself thinking of another fellow, or out on a date. Natural human instinct seems to indicate that yes, indeed, the pain is worth the treasure called love. Though at times it feels like I am drowning in an endless gulf of misery, attempting to find my "Mr. Right", I feel that when I finally meet him and recognize him for what he is, I will absolutely know that it was worth the price. I'm certain he will not be perfect. He will have many flaws, but I possess many flaws as well. The important thing is that we'll be perfect in each other's eyes--at least for a strong majority of the time.

Boring randomness

I work so super soon! Last night I went to Temple Square with the young women, and we took a tour of the Conference Center. It was pretty intriguing. I was amazed with the knowledge that the dear, sweet sister possessed. She knew so many strange, minute facts that I would never have even thought of asking. While there, I met up with one of my best friends, Rachel Fuchs, whom I haven't seen since Valentines Day!!! It was so exciting! I love that girl!!! After I got back, Craig, Tosha, Rachel, little Rachel, Mike, and I went to the dollar theatre and saw Nim's Island. It was so cheezy!!! I was in the mood for that type of cheezy though. I laughed soooo much, a lot of it because Craig was being ridiculous! Haha, what a character. The movie got over at around midnight, and I took Rachel home. I stayed over there until about 2, then I came home and finally got to bed at around 2:45, which wasn't too good, because I had to wake up at 6:45 this morning to go play tennis. Andy responded to my text at around 6:15, I think. I woke up and I was so tired that I couldn't figure out what the poo that noise was. Then I finally figured it out. We're going to play tennis in the morning tomorrow, which is going to be fun I hope. I wanted to play after work, but I guess he's going to be busy at night. Blah. Oh well. I have to go to work in five minutes. Five minutes isn't a very long amount of time. I hope work's fun today. I guess I just have to make it fun. Fun is such a mental state. You could have fun doing anything, as long as you set your mind to it. Speaking of time or fun or something, I don't remember, but I'll get back to you later. Oh yeah, and my next post will pretty much be awesome, because these ones have been lame...dude, Rachel's pool is open now. YaY!!!

Wow!!! I just created a blog!!!

As you can see from my title, I just created a blog! Now I kind of don't know what to do! Basically, today has been interesting. I woke up with a terrible stomach ache, so I didn't go running with Sister Batty today. I have REALLY got to start calling her Katie! I texted her to tell her that I wasn't going to be going. Wow, that sounded mildly redundant. Anywho, so I ended up sleeping in super late, which was probably good, since my stomach ache had gone away by the time I actually woke up. Oh yeah!!! I watched "Walker Texas Ranger" today!!! It was phenomenal. I was almost late to work because I got so caught up in it that I neglected to take my shower as early as I should have. I went to work, which was decent today. We were busy, and I was on the grocery side, so the time passed by quickly; besides, I only had to work four hours and fifteen minutes. I walked home after work. Institute was tonight! For some reason, we have a new teacher, but he's decent, so I don't mind too terribly much, though for now I do prefer the old teacher. I wanted to play tennis today, but I didn't get around to it. I ended up going for a short run with Kyle. We talked for a while, then I got home at around 11:30. I tried calling Alex, but he was a poo brain and didn't answer his phone!!! What a turkey. I talked to David, and we decided that sometime we're going to go bowling, I guess on a double date, which means that I need to find a date. I'll ask Rachel to go with him. I have some freakin' cool cousins, let me tell you! Anyway...I'm super excited for playing tennis with Andy on Friday! I hope that we actually get together and play! I love tennis and Andy is pretty much amazing! I hope he thinks that I am, too. Me gusta espanol. A veces escribo en espanol para que mis amigos no entiendan que estoy escribiendo. Pero tengo unos amigos que pueden entender espanol tambien. I don't know. I wonder what my life is going to be like. If I had the opportunity to see the layout of my future, though, I really wouldn't take it. I mean, "my life is better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance". I love that song. I remember one time when I was 14, it played at a stake dance, Washington had the best stake dances, and I was like "oh, I have to go find my future husband, because I want this to be our song!" So I found a boy to dance with, and he was cute, but I guess it just didn't work out, because I never saw him again. I don't remember his name either. How funny is that. You just never know what to expect in life, and if you do know what to expect, then there is something seriously wrong, because as Percy Shelly so wonderfully puts it, "Naught can endure, but mutability." Mr. Nagro was such a wonderful English teacher. So pretty much I have a crush on a boy, but it's interesting, because I'm ok with just being friends. I mean, normally I would be like, "Oh, I hope he likes me and asks me out..."etc, but you know, I'm content. As long as he likes me as even just a friend, I'm good. I think he's amazing though. He's phenomenal. At least from what I've seen of him, which probably isn't very much. I'm kind of having mixed feelings about boys right now though. In a way I just want to say that I want to drop them; that they suck, but then again, I also don't. I mean, boys aren't dumb all of the time. Most of them aren't anyway. I have a comple of friends that are boys that I know aren't dumb. Well, at least I know that Alex is a true friend for sure. Golly, I hope that Andy is too. Josh is definitely a true friend, and I should probably talk to him more. We'll see how Kyle turns out. He kind of bores me some times, and he really isn't that funny, to be blatantly honest. but I know that I'm not very funny either, so I really shouldn't be talking. I just like it when I can actually honestly laugh at jokes and really want to pay attention to people. I want to do something tomorrow!!! I really don't want to go up to Temple Square with the young women though. Amber is going to be working, so Kirsten is coming with Jessica and let's be real, they're quite obnoxiously annoying! It's just the age that they're at though, I was quite obnoxious at that age, as well. They Batty's are going though, so that should be fun! I really enjoy their company. I just wish that we had people my age. Our branch is so small. In some ways it's probably good, I know that it has blessed many lives, but so many people struggle because of it. They really shouldn't though. I mean, just because we have fewer numbers doesn't mean the gospel isn't true. I love the gospel. I am so thankful to be raised in it! I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without the gospel! It has changed my life and made me who I am, and generally, I believe that I am a decent human. I just wish that everyone knew about the church and wanted to be a part of it. Golly, Alex would be an amazing church member. I hope someday he is taught the gospel and can receive it. It would change his life completely and he would be so much happier. And Rachel, too! I really respect Rachel. She has great key values. At first I didn't like her, because I thought that she went against everything I believed in (not my fault, and not just because she isn't LDS, she just tried to be controversial), but than we became friends and I found out how high her standards really are! She was just being a butt earlier! Anyway, it's pretty late now, but I'm super excited to have my own blog! It's pretty much amazing! It's just like a little online journal! I hope nobody reads it and gets embarrassed, but let's be real, most people are not going to read it, because most people really don't care enough to. And if they do read it, either they are a great friend, or they like me and care about how I'm feeling and what I think! Sounds good to me!