Moving and life

Well, I've been doing a lot of moving lately. I helped the Batty's move out last week. I am going to miss them dearly; they are such amazing people. This week I helped my family move. I left my stuff over at the old house, which has caused a lot of chaos. I move to Heritage on Wednesday--in 3 days. I plan on finishing packing tomorrow, which will leave Tuesday open for me to go shopping, or whatever I need to do. Then I'll be gone. I had a job interview with building security at BYU today. I don't think it went very well, and I don't believe I got the job, but all I can do is wait to find out. I hope I did. I'm so stressed right now. It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if my parents hadn't moved the week before I was going to. Shoot. I still need to finish Learning in the Light of Faith, as well. Sometimes it feels like life is overwhelmingly stressful. I wonder what heaven is like. Do we face stresses? I bet we do. I suppose we'll never get away from them. I feel like I've wasted my life thus far. I haven't accomplished anything major. I feel so old, yet I am so young. I look at the people my age who have started their own business, or already have at least their associates degree, and I wonder what I have done. Have I contributed to the world? I know that I have been a decent friend to many people, but sometimes it just feels like that is not enough. Sometimes I want to have my own special moment. Oh, that reminds me of a poem I wrote for creative writing last year:

A Moment In Time


The crowds are bustling
In the halls today.
I wish I could be one of them,
Smiling on my way.
I try for a moment
Open my mouth,
Show some teeth,
But nobody notices.
I want to cry and weep.
I’ll just try saying “Hi!”
I think to myself.
I say “Hi” to a few
Nobody notices

I must be invisible.
I shrink from the crowd,
Duck into my class.
Science!
Somewhere I can excel at last!
I give myself a pep talk;
Tell myself I am smart,
But in come the
Jocks, nerds, preps,
Everyone I’m not.

I open my mouth,
But I’m too afraid.
After all, the end to pleasure
Is only pain.
The teacher asks a question.
I could’ve gotten it right
If only he hadn’t called
On Lucy Skidmore instead.
I tell myself “next time”
But I never got called.
I leave from that class
Feeling worse than before.

Why must I be here?
I ask, I implore.
I only want to fit in.
Have that moment in time
When anyone notices
That I’m truly sublime.

Sometimes it would be nice to really be noticed. I mean, I'm completely average. I'm not the best student, yet I'm not the worst. I'm not the best looking. I have no distinguishing characteristics. I hate interviews. I feel like they always bring that out about me. I know that Rachel thinks I'm amazing, and so does Will. Yet sometimes it doesn't help to know that you're close friends think you're amazing. Sometimes you want the most distant people from you to think you're amazing. Well, I know this is pretty self-pitying. "Sometimes when I'm feeling bad, I just don't want to feel better!!" ugh. Anyway, I do want to feel better, so I will be more positive...I think. Man, there's an annoying fly that keeps pestering me!!